Seeking Shelter

Monday has rolled around again....

I opened my Bible to the Psalms this morning...randomly...and these verses are what I read:

God is our refuge and our strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear, even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea....Psalm 46:1-2 NLT

If you've been following along with me, you'll know that I recently had periods of anxiety...anxiety that was so strong that walking through a door--yes, even thinking about walking through that door--brought me legs of rubber, shaking hands, a feeling in my chest that was overwhelming me.

This went on for several weeks.  Then, I met with some friends...we talked....we prayed about this situation....prayed blessings over this place.

Now...

I arrive.  I sit in my car and again pray blessings over this place.  Then, I walk on strong and steady legs to the door.  I put my key in the door but do not turn it.

Close my eyes...hand on the key...and say outloud--

"God, I need You to go before me into this place.  Walk in front of me and I will follow.  Guide me and lead me."

All I can say is--anxiety gone, pressures gone, and a feeling of peace has entered my heart and mind.

Thank You, God, for walking in front of me.  Thank You for leading me and guiding me.  Thank You for the peace that You have instilled in my heart and mind.  Let me be a shining light to others so that they can also experience Your peace.




strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Chosen in Faith

I was driving home one day last week, and I heard two songs which greatly touched me....to the point of tears:

Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for He chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as He decided long ago....Ephesians 1:11 NLT

Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us....James 1:27 NLT

I will declare that Your love stands firm forever, that You established Your faithfulness in Heaven itself...Psalm 89:2 NIV

Soaking on SONday



strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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True and Faithful

I am joining Peggy for her 'Friday Focus'.  The promise of God that I am claiming as my own this week is:

365 Promises

For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does..Psalm 33:4 (NIV)

God IS faithful.

God IS true.

God NEVER changes.

God NEVER lies.

God IS worthy of our trust.

I have had 'trust issues' for a great deal of my life.  My trust has been broken in relationships here on this earth time and time again. 

Words spoken into my heart and mind.....actions taken that hurt so much that I felt I could not function....

And these words and actions were lies about myself that I began to believe....untruths that I took into my very being until I felt that these were the truth....

Words that evoke feelings of :

SHAME

GUILT

UNWORTHINESS

BLAME

UGLINESS

BITTERNESS

And the list could go on and on...

In the devotional that goes along with this photo, the words are written:

If we struggle to believe that God's word is true and we cannot trust Him completely, then we are in effect doubting God's very character. Every time we question God's Word or His goodness, we are agreeing with the Father of Lies and the continual accusations he brings against God. Just as this would hurt an earthly father, I believe that it deeply grieves the Father of Lights.

I am happy to say that many of these lies and feelings associated with them have been broken....broken by healing through Jesus Christ....a long journey of prayer and listening to God's speaking the truth to me. 

My journey is far from over....will never be over until I see Jesus face to face....

And I pray the prayer that is written in the devotional:

My prayer today is that Holy Spirit would make us aware of the unbelieving thoughts that come into our mind and we would break any power of agreement with them, for the Word of the LORD is right and we can trust everything that He does!







strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Puzzle Pieces

I'm joining Peggy for Soaking on SONday....

It's really simple and easy...perhaps you would like to join in?  Just post a Scripture, a song, something that has touched you....something you would like to share and soak in today....

Sometimes I think too much....

Sometimes my mind is not still for a second.....

Sometimes I dwell on the past.....

Sometimes I feel put upon by others....

Sometimes I feel lonely....

Sometimes I think my life has not been fair....

Sometimes I think my life has been one trial after another.....

Sometimes I wonder if people believe that all that has happened in my life is true....

And sometimes all of this adds up to becoming sad....which leads to the anxiety, the worry, the depression, the tears, the emotional mess...

So, I come to You today....my Jesus....my Savior....to give all the mess to You to handle....the mess that is me....

I come to You in pieces.....broken again.....I am puzzle pieces in Your eyes....

Because only You can make me whole.....and You will take this broken vessel and use me for Your glory.

Thank You, Jesus, for calling my name, for choosing me, for saving me, for loving me enough to see me not as I am today...but who I am to become.....whole and blessed in Your eyes...

 

strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Knocking At The Door

I am a day late again!!  It seems to be very difficult for me to post on Friday after a long week...

But, as Grandma said:  "Better late than never!"....I'm sure a lot of Grandma's had this saying...

I am joining Peggy for her Friday Feature.  I have chosen these verses from the many of the promises God has given us. 

365 Promises

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?...Matthew 6:25-26

And these verses go on to say:

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.....Matthew 6:27-34

If you've been reading along with me, you'll know that I have been having a lot of anxiety and worries over some situations in my life....anxiety to the point that it almost feels debilitating. 

I have been in this place before....about a totally different situation.  But, this worry and anxiety is not the way God wants me to live.  He wants me to be dependent upon me....seeking Him first....and He will supply exactly what I need to go from day to day. 

As I was contemplating upon these verses, a memory was brought to my heart and mind. 

I was a young girl...perhaps 8 or 9 years old.  I am in church on a Sunday, and it is so hot...just like the days we've been having now.  We had no air conditioning, only fans that were supplied by a local funeral home. 

These fans had pictures on them, and my fan on that very hot day had this exact same picture:

I'm sure that many people have seen this picture--Jesus knocking at the door. 

If you will notice, the door has no handle for Jesus to open the door and come inside.  He is waiting on the other side for us to open the door to our hearts, inviting Him into our lives. 

These verses from Matthew--they are Jesus speaking--speaking to each one of us:

Invite me into your life--I am here for you--don't worry about these things--I can take care of all of these and more--you are My child and I love you....

But, we have to make the choice, open the door, and rest in the assurance that God has the power and strength...will give us the strength through Him and not ourselves....

No, worry will not add a single day to our lives.  In fact, worry will more than likely take away a day or more of our lives.

So, why not give it to God and let Him handle all of these things?  He is so much more capable than I am!!



Strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Weak Yet Strong

Yesterday after work, I headed over to see two friends...very dear friends....and we talked and prayed about all that is on my mind. 

Wonderful, calming, peaceful.........interspersed with laughter and tears....words of wisdom and love from God....

I left their home, listening to the radio as I drove.  God often speaks to me through music, and I heard a song that I had never heard before.

The chorus of  this song, "Taste and See" by Jason Allen Rich stayed with me through the night and into this morning:

 

I want to taste and see That the Lord That the Lord is good And I want to be strong like a lion But weak like a lamb And I want to be Your child Broken and broken and broken again

As I listened to this song--these words in particular--an image came to my heart and mind....

along with these verses from God's Word to fill my very being:

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.......2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Yes, I will be weak like a lamb.  I know the Good Shepherd, and He knows me....calls me by name...tenderly caring for His flock...I hear His voice and I will follow.

And through my weakness, I will rely on the strength of the lion....and my weaknesses will be made strong by His power and not my own.

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Anticipation

Ahhhh....It was so wonderful to step outside onto the deck this morning!

The temperature is only 67 degrees and no humidity--compared to the wet sponge I've been walking into with temps in the low 80's before the sun rises!!

As you can see, I've added a 'vacation countdown"....only 59 days until we leave for our vacation on Chincoteague Island in Virginia. 

I am so looking forward to this...haven't been here (or on any 'go-away' vacation) in over 10 years!!

Cara, Lydia and Lindsay are coming with me.....Danielle, Andrew, Brooklyn and Jackson will be visiting for a few days during our trip.  I cannot wait....well, I have to wait 59 days, but the anticipation is growing for me and all my family members!!

We've rented an adorable cottage on the island....the beach just a quick drive away on Assateague Island , and a time of relaxation, family and fun.

And on an even more positive note....I've been totally abdominal pain free for the past two days!!  Thank You, God!! 

Last night, I even decided to test this new medication the gastroenterologist prescribed for me and eat a regular type dinner instead of my usual cottage cheese or some other food that is soft and unchewable.

I didn't go crazy with this...just some macaroni and cheese and a hamburger....first 'real' food I've had since the beginning of June....

And no pain, not even a twinge of discomfort!!  I even slept through the night without being awakened by the pain that has been plaguing me for two months!!

Yes, God does answer prayers!!  I've been praying, and I know many other people have been praying right along with me.....and these prayers have been met by God's promises, faithfulness and love!!  A big 'thank you' to all who have been praying!!

See you tomorrow!!

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Feelings

It has been a long weekend.......

And here it is, Monday morning, and I'm now wondering how these two days flew by.  Funny how when I was living in the past two days they seemed to drag on and on, but now looking back they seemed to go so fast. 

To try to take my mind off the anxiety and nervousness feelings I've been having, I started a baby blanket for my cousin's daughter.  She is expecting a little girl in November. 

I thought I would make her something and send it to my cousin as a baby gift.  No pics yet...perhaps tomorrow. 

Keeping my hands busy seemed to keep my mind busy also.  So, the feelings were pushed down for the weekend (for the most part).

Now, Monday is here....I'm sitting here typing....my mind is going 1000 miles per second.....and I can feel it returning.

The anxiety....
The feelings of doom and gloom....
The constant shaking of my foot....
The fear of the unknown.....

I remember these feelings from long ago....

I thought I had dealt with all that was causing this, but obviously I have not.  I need to spend time in prayer with my Father...a deliberate time with Him...taking time not just to talk to Him, but to listen to what He has to say to me, show me....why this is happening, where I am to go from here. 

I know and have all faith that He can relieve this, but I need to be shown the way.  I need to seek Him more and more....let His peace come into my heart and mind....healing the wounds that are causing these feelings within me. 

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Seeking Calm

Today is Sunday...and I'm linking up with Peggy for Soaking On SONday...

I said yesterday that I was struggling with anxiety...fear of the unknown...how this is definitely not the way God wants us to live. 

So, I am wondering why I struggle so against releasing all of my fears and anxieties to the One who loves me the most...the One who is control....the One who knows and sees all....the One who can take my fear and anxiety and calm me with a touch of His Hand...a word from His Word....

Courtesy of Heartlight

 I need to soak in this verse.  I need to let God take control, completely surrender to Him. 

God often speaks to me through music.  This morning I actually did a Google search for "Christian music about releasing your fears to God", and this song was #1 on the search.

As I sat and listened...sang along...tears flowed to the point of sobbing...crying out to my God...seeking His peace, His forgiveness for seeking other things before Him....



And as I sat here, watching, listening, singing, crying....the calm and peace of my God filled my soul.....

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Time For A Party

I'm linking up with Peggy for Soaking on SONday. 

If you would like to join in, please visit her and link up!!  It's easy...just a Scripture or song--something--that has spoken to you through God....

So, I've not been feeling well....you all know this...

These past few days have been a test of my patience and tolerance.  The pain is not steady and constant, but comes and goes...I never know when.

Not only do I not know when, I don't know where.  These pains move from the lower abdomen to the upper abdomen....sometimes on the right, sometimes on the left, sometimes in the middle.

To say that this is starting to be a bit trying and sapping me of my energy is a small statement.

Yesterday, I finally broke down and had a 'pity party' for myself--a full blown party with tears and sobs and yes, a bit of anger thrown in just for good measure.  Of course, the 'party' did not involve just my illness that seems to go on forever.  Oh, no....the list started there and moved on to other things in my life that I felt were unfair, unjust, 'slap in the face' things that happened recently and long ago..

Doesn't the enemy know how to use one situation and stir us up into a lather of past issues--bringing them back to the forefront once again?  Situations that have absolutely nothing to do with the present, but push a button, and they are there...those places that remain unhealed...and he will work them to his advantage--if we let him.

In the middle of all of these carryings-on, my youngest daughter calls me.  We are supposed to go to a birthday party that afternoon for Danielle's son, Jackson.  Am I going, she wants to know.

Sobbing, I try to talk to her--explain my feelings and frustrations.  She listens....really listens to what I'm telling her.  She does not say to just brush my feelings aside.  She does not say that this is nothing and to get over it.  She does not say that I'm acting like a child.

What came through in our conversation was her love and care for me....the knowledge of this love....the caring she showed just by listening and being there for me....her willingness to help me do the things I've been unable to do (such as cleaning)...

And though my youngest daughter professes not to believe, God's love was shining through her--whether she knew it or not. 

God--what an awesome God--using my daughter to show me His love for me......

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago...Ephesians 2:10

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!....2 Corinthians 5:17

And yes, we did attend Jackson's birthday party....probably the best thing I could have done for myself yesterday...get out of the house and be with others...

As I feel God's love flowing through me, I'm having another kind of 'party'....a party of celebration of His love and care for me....

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Head to Heart

I'm linking up today with Peggy for her Friday Feature .

The verse I've chosen for this week is Jeremiah 31:3:

 

365 Promises

Just to fill you in a little....my brain has known this fact--this promise from God--that His love for me will last forever, no matter what--for a long time.

My head knew, but my heart did not.  I memorized this verse long ago--along with many other memorizations  required by my church.  Memorize, repeat back verbatim, then you could move along in your "journey" to the next step.  Memorize, memorize, memorize. 

All of this information stored in my brain.  And that's where it stayed for many, many years--my brain. 

So, though I had all of this head knowledge, I did not have heart knowledge. 

What changed this?  What moved this love of God for me from my head to my heart? 

This happened when I had no where else to turn...no where else to go...

Bitter, angry, mean, jealous, hard as a rock...these were terms you could use to describe me.  I moved through life just trying to get by...just from day to day with no real purpose except to survive another day....I felt dead inside...emotionless....

When someone suggested to me that I attend their church, I brushed them off.  I felt that God had failed me in so many ways, and yes, I was angry at Him, too. 

This friend didn't give up though...didn't berate me for saying that "yes, I would meet her" and then not showing up.  She just asked again...and again....and again....

Until finally, I thought to myself that she's not going to stop asking and bugging me about this until I go...so I may as well go and get it over with....just so she stops...

That Sunday service...this song was played....and the Spirit moved within me...worked against all the bitterness and anger....worked in a huge, powerful, stirring way.

I do not claim to understand the mysteries and ways of God. 

All I know is what happened on that day.....

On that day, my head knowledge moved to my heart and settled there.  I felt God's love for me....I felt drawn closer to Him.....I felt peace and joy like I had never felt in my entire life.  The bitterness, anger, jealousy for others who seemed to have an 'easier life' was swept away....I had been cleaned by my God....covered in the blood of Jesus who died for me.

Yes, God's love is a "forever love".  This love is not dependent upon us "doing" something spectacular.  All He is asking is that we accept His Son, Jesus, as our Savior...and love Him in return.

It is a choice...God's free will allows this choice...to love Him or not.  He is not a pushy, demanding God....but, rather wants us to come to Him freely.

Yes, I was broken at that point in my life.  I have been broken since then....and I will be broken again.

But, knowing in my heart that God's love lasts forever....I can give my brokenness to Him....and He will show me the way....guide me along....restore me to a wholeness that would have never been possible without being shattered first.

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God Whispers

These were the most awesome clouds...taken a few weeks ago.  The colors just took my breath away!!

And the moon on that same evening.  I don't think you can see them, but there are firelies all among the trees--flickering on and off. 

Two cats--Scout and Miles--lounging....

My daylilly--which finally bloomed!!



Lydia, Jackson and Brooklyn--one of the very few times that actually sat yesterday....

Yesterday was hot--over 90 degrees--and very, very humid.  We cooked outside and ate inside.  Lindsay took command of the grill, and she was drenched by the time she finished.  I would have taken a picture of her fanning herself with a paper plate, but she declined this opportunity. 

Brooklyn did ask "if this a cook-out, why are we eating inside?"  I told her that we did "cook out", but that it was just too hot to eat outside...that some of us are old and prefer air conditioning.

Which led to the discussion of all of our ages....she checked out Lindsay and Cara's age....which she could accept since they are about the same age as her mom. 

She then proceeded to ask me how old I was.  I countered this with "How old do you think I am?"--a loaded question to be sure.  She said she thought I was 50. 

Close quess, but when I told her that I was actually 57, her response was "WOW!!  That's almost into the 60's!!!"  We all laughed.

Brooklyn and Jackson came into our family along with Andrew's girlfriend, Danielle.  We love and enjoy them so much--very active, fun-loving kids.  For some reason, they both have decided to call me "B"...just "B"...and I kind of like this...

A good day, to be sure...and Lydia, upon getting ready to go home, said to me in this order....

Kiss

Hug

More kisses

More hugs

Love you (which really sounds like 'of you' since she is still having a bit of trouble with "L's")

The very best part of this day was this:

All of my kids and myself together once again--no harsh words, no mean looks, no tears, no one leaving in frustration or anger--just all of us together--enjoying each other's company. 

What a change can be made in our lives when we listen and obey as God is whispering into our hearts and minds......

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Let Freedom Ring--or Reign?

Today is Sunday...and tomorrow we celebrate the freedom of the United States of America.  But, are we truly free?

I was very unsure of what to write today until I stopped over at Peggy's to link up with her for SOS (Soaking on Sunday).  She had two verses written in her post:

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land....2 Chronicles 7:14

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery...Galations 5:1

As I read these two verses, this song came to my heart and mind:




Yes, Lord, we need You now.

For He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in His sight....Psalm 72:12-14

May grace and peace be yours from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ. He died for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live. That is why all glory belongs to God through all the ages of eternity. Amen....Galations 1:3-5

If you're interested in joining or visiting others who are "Soaking on SONday", stop over at Peggy's and share what God is saying to you today. 

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