Hmmm....Where are the Pictures?

It has been a long time.  I've been here, there and nowhere.  But, I'm back, and, as usual, hope to blog a little bit more.

I actually do miss blogging.  It's a little bit difficult in the household in which I'm living.  My computer is in the living room....my son was sleeping on the couch....daughter's bedroom is right around the corner.  Five people in a small house with one bathroom leads to some cramped quarters and limited access...if you know what I mean!!

So, in the time I've been away:

Lydia has turned three!!  I'm trying to add a picture from my computer, but I just can't seem to figure out this new set-up!!    Hmmm.....this says I should be able to choose a file, which is what I want to do....choose a file from my computer. 

Instead, I'm receiving something that says select file from a url, etc. 

For today, we'll have to go without pictures until this figures itself out!!

Christ-mas has come and gone....New Year's has come and gone.  We've had some snow (again wanted to post a picture!). 

I've made several projects.....and no, they are not unfinished....completed and given away.

There are several projects in the works...just as I'm still and always will be an unfinished project as long as I am on this earth.     (Again....more pictures that I don't know how to upload).

This is the beginning....the beginning of the story of the rest of my life.

Stay tuned.....I'm going to try to be back at least 3 days a week....and hopefully, I'll be able to add some pictures.

If anyone can help me in this, I would appreciate it!!

That's it for today!!

Beth

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Here, There, Not Everywhere....

So, I was going to change the background here.  But, I thought...oh, well...winter will be coming soon.  Maybe when I have a little time, I'll switch to a fall scene.

As for now, the background is the same.

Me...I am the same, yet not the same.  Still living with Cara, Ryan and Lydia.  There are ups, downs and in-betweens, but all and all, a good situation.

I help them, they help me, and well....what can I say...my Lydia creates so much laughter and joy in my life!!

I've had some health issues this summer....a swelling in my neck that comes and goes.  After numerous tests and a biopsy, it was found that I have multiple nodules on my thyroid.  The biopsy of these was, oh, so thankfully, benign!!

But, the swelling is what is known as a thyroglossal cyst...apparently something that developed when I was just an embryo. 

It is now to the point that I have the swelling and pain almost every other week.  The solution for this problem is, of course, removal of the cyst.  This is going to occur next Wednesday, August 22--an outpatient procedure--and I shouldn't be down and out for more than a few days.

I have also transferred from one department to another for my same employer.  I am thoroughly enjoying my new work and my new coworkers.

One of my coworkers quilts with a group of ladies once a week.  Their church host an Apple Festival in October, and the quilt is auctioned off.  All the proceeds are donated to a needy family in the area.  I've been helping out with this as much as I possibly can.

Here's last year's quilt:

I was excited to find this group since quilting is something I've always wanted to learn to do.

Also, I am leading another Small Group through my church with three other women. I feel so blessed to have been selected to participate in this study.  The series is called "Me, Myself and Lies"....about the truths that we believe about ourselves through lies fed into us by others. 

Oh, and before I go....here's my Lydia at the beach this past weekend....how she has grown...talks about everything and anything:

That's all for this evening and I'm going to try my hardest not to stay away for so long!!

Beth



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Picking Up

To pick up where I left off....which was vacation...

We arrived home from the beach safely.  The day after our return, the owner of my home....the home that I love, had been hoping and dreaming of for so long, a dream that had come true.......dropped over for a visit.

He informed me that since he had built a new home of his own and had overextended himself, he had to sell this home.  A buyer was all lined up.  She wanted to move and take possession in approximately two months' time.

I understood his dilemma, but this announcement presented me with my own dilemma...

Where to go?
First month's rent plus a security deposit?

Not to mention all the past memories of moving that came flooding back to me.....times that I had moved because I was leaving a bad situation, times that I had to move because I was financially unable to stay where I was....all the bad memories pouring over me...into me....as though a dam had broken.

I spent two weeks in a kind of 'shocked' mode...unable to progress into what I knew I had to do.

Finally, after days of crying and yes--having a sort of 'pity party' for myself....I start looking for a new place to live. 

Sounds easy, doesn't it?

Just find a place and move in?

Not as easy as you might think....especially when you have a 'past'....most of a 'past' that doesn't really belong to you.....just tags along with you....

The owner then tells me that the moving date has been moved to the end of November....then to the middle of November....then to the beginning of November.

My kids and I spend each evening for a week packing my belonging.

They are being moved to storage for the time being.

Me?  I am staying with my daughters and granddaughter for the time being.  Cara wanted me to stay until at least CHRISTmas.

Here it is now....January 5....I am still here....which has taken some adjusting....again--some good and some not so good....

More again soon....

Beth

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Back Again

It's been quite a while since I've written anything.  A lot has occurred in my life--some for good, some for not so good....

So, I'll start over again....back to September....with our trip to the beach.

This was a most wonderful time.....a time of relaxation, laughter, together with all my children:

I'm happy remembering this time......

And I'll move on with other happenings on another day...

Beth

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Waiting

Sometimes--

Life doesn't flow along

the way

we want it to.

Surprises--

unwanted surprises--

greet us along the

course.

Twists

and

turns--

hills

and

valleys--

All

combine

to

lead

me

to

the place

where

GOD

wants me

to be.

And so,

I wait

patiently

for

HIS

direction--

HIS

Hand upon

my heart and mind.

And the

confusion,

despair,

anxiety....

the

UNKNOWN

will all

clear

with

HIS PURPOSE

and

PLAN

for my life

laid out

before me.



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Seeking Shelter

Monday has rolled around again....

I opened my Bible to the Psalms this morning...randomly...and these verses are what I read:

God is our refuge and our strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear, even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea....Psalm 46:1-2 NLT

If you've been following along with me, you'll know that I recently had periods of anxiety...anxiety that was so strong that walking through a door--yes, even thinking about walking through that door--brought me legs of rubber, shaking hands, a feeling in my chest that was overwhelming me.

This went on for several weeks.  Then, I met with some friends...we talked....we prayed about this situation....prayed blessings over this place.

Now...

I arrive.  I sit in my car and again pray blessings over this place.  Then, I walk on strong and steady legs to the door.  I put my key in the door but do not turn it.

Close my eyes...hand on the key...and say outloud--

"God, I need You to go before me into this place.  Walk in front of me and I will follow.  Guide me and lead me."

All I can say is--anxiety gone, pressures gone, and a feeling of peace has entered my heart and mind.

Thank You, God, for walking in front of me.  Thank You for leading me and guiding me.  Thank You for the peace that You have instilled in my heart and mind.  Let me be a shining light to others so that they can also experience Your peace.




strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Chosen in Faith

I was driving home one day last week, and I heard two songs which greatly touched me....to the point of tears:

Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for He chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as He decided long ago....Ephesians 1:11 NLT

Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us....James 1:27 NLT

I will declare that Your love stands firm forever, that You established Your faithfulness in Heaven itself...Psalm 89:2 NIV

Soaking on SONday



strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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True and Faithful

I am joining Peggy for her 'Friday Focus'.  The promise of God that I am claiming as my own this week is:

365 Promises

For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does..Psalm 33:4 (NIV)

God IS faithful.

God IS true.

God NEVER changes.

God NEVER lies.

God IS worthy of our trust.

I have had 'trust issues' for a great deal of my life.  My trust has been broken in relationships here on this earth time and time again. 

Words spoken into my heart and mind.....actions taken that hurt so much that I felt I could not function....

And these words and actions were lies about myself that I began to believe....untruths that I took into my very being until I felt that these were the truth....

Words that evoke feelings of :

SHAME

GUILT

UNWORTHINESS

BLAME

UGLINESS

BITTERNESS

And the list could go on and on...

In the devotional that goes along with this photo, the words are written:

If we struggle to believe that God's word is true and we cannot trust Him completely, then we are in effect doubting God's very character. Every time we question God's Word or His goodness, we are agreeing with the Father of Lies and the continual accusations he brings against God. Just as this would hurt an earthly father, I believe that it deeply grieves the Father of Lights.

I am happy to say that many of these lies and feelings associated with them have been broken....broken by healing through Jesus Christ....a long journey of prayer and listening to God's speaking the truth to me. 

My journey is far from over....will never be over until I see Jesus face to face....

And I pray the prayer that is written in the devotional:

My prayer today is that Holy Spirit would make us aware of the unbelieving thoughts that come into our mind and we would break any power of agreement with them, for the Word of the LORD is right and we can trust everything that He does!







strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Pondering

And it is Wednesday already......

The past few days have gone by in a blur....work, meetings, sleep....

I've been pondering on the verse I posted on Monday, and concentrating on all things good, lovely, pure, worthy of praise. 

As I've been thinking of these, the doldrums have passed and joy is filling my heart and mind.  I can feel the difference in myself--not only emotionally, but also physically--I have been pain free for the past two days!!

And this in itself is a big praise!!  I'm still watching my diet very carefully, and gradually adding some things back into my diet with good results....and I am very thankful for this.

Peggy left a comment regarding whether it was too early to remind me of CHRISTmas.  No, it's not too early....I should have been working on this CHRISTmas starting on December 26th of last year!!

I've been searching for ideas for my girls, Andrew's Danielle, and now--three children to make something for. 

The search continues...although I do think I have found something that Cara would like.  I'm running out of ideas having made their gifts for so many years. 

Mittens for all three kids....they will all need new mittens for the winter...and beyond that I am clueless. 

Guess I'd better be keeping my eyes and ears open for hints dropped here and there from them....

Have a wonderful day in Him....



strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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The Way to Think

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworty--think about such things....Philippians 4:8



strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Puzzle Pieces

I'm joining Peggy for Soaking on SONday....

It's really simple and easy...perhaps you would like to join in?  Just post a Scripture, a song, something that has touched you....something you would like to share and soak in today....

Sometimes I think too much....

Sometimes my mind is not still for a second.....

Sometimes I dwell on the past.....

Sometimes I feel put upon by others....

Sometimes I feel lonely....

Sometimes I think my life has not been fair....

Sometimes I think my life has been one trial after another.....

Sometimes I wonder if people believe that all that has happened in my life is true....

And sometimes all of this adds up to becoming sad....which leads to the anxiety, the worry, the depression, the tears, the emotional mess...

So, I come to You today....my Jesus....my Savior....to give all the mess to You to handle....the mess that is me....

I come to You in pieces.....broken again.....I am puzzle pieces in Your eyes....

Because only You can make me whole.....and You will take this broken vessel and use me for Your glory.

Thank You, Jesus, for calling my name, for choosing me, for saving me, for loving me enough to see me not as I am today...but who I am to become.....whole and blessed in Your eyes...

 

strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Knocking At The Door

I am a day late again!!  It seems to be very difficult for me to post on Friday after a long week...

But, as Grandma said:  "Better late than never!"....I'm sure a lot of Grandma's had this saying...

I am joining Peggy for her Friday Feature.  I have chosen these verses from the many of the promises God has given us. 

365 Promises

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?...Matthew 6:25-26

And these verses go on to say:

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.....Matthew 6:27-34

If you've been reading along with me, you'll know that I have been having a lot of anxiety and worries over some situations in my life....anxiety to the point that it almost feels debilitating. 

I have been in this place before....about a totally different situation.  But, this worry and anxiety is not the way God wants me to live.  He wants me to be dependent upon me....seeking Him first....and He will supply exactly what I need to go from day to day. 

As I was contemplating upon these verses, a memory was brought to my heart and mind. 

I was a young girl...perhaps 8 or 9 years old.  I am in church on a Sunday, and it is so hot...just like the days we've been having now.  We had no air conditioning, only fans that were supplied by a local funeral home. 

These fans had pictures on them, and my fan on that very hot day had this exact same picture:

I'm sure that many people have seen this picture--Jesus knocking at the door. 

If you will notice, the door has no handle for Jesus to open the door and come inside.  He is waiting on the other side for us to open the door to our hearts, inviting Him into our lives. 

These verses from Matthew--they are Jesus speaking--speaking to each one of us:

Invite me into your life--I am here for you--don't worry about these things--I can take care of all of these and more--you are My child and I love you....

But, we have to make the choice, open the door, and rest in the assurance that God has the power and strength...will give us the strength through Him and not ourselves....

No, worry will not add a single day to our lives.  In fact, worry will more than likely take away a day or more of our lives.

So, why not give it to God and let Him handle all of these things?  He is so much more capable than I am!!



Strong as a lion; weak as a lamb

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Weak Yet Strong

Yesterday after work, I headed over to see two friends...very dear friends....and we talked and prayed about all that is on my mind. 

Wonderful, calming, peaceful.........interspersed with laughter and tears....words of wisdom and love from God....

I left their home, listening to the radio as I drove.  God often speaks to me through music, and I heard a song that I had never heard before.

The chorus of  this song, "Taste and See" by Jason Allen Rich stayed with me through the night and into this morning:

 

I want to taste and see That the Lord That the Lord is good And I want to be strong like a lion But weak like a lamb And I want to be Your child Broken and broken and broken again

As I listened to this song--these words in particular--an image came to my heart and mind....

along with these verses from God's Word to fill my very being:

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.......2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Yes, I will be weak like a lamb.  I know the Good Shepherd, and He knows me....calls me by name...tenderly caring for His flock...I hear His voice and I will follow.

And through my weakness, I will rely on the strength of the lion....and my weaknesses will be made strong by His power and not my own.

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Anticipation

Ahhhh....It was so wonderful to step outside onto the deck this morning!

The temperature is only 67 degrees and no humidity--compared to the wet sponge I've been walking into with temps in the low 80's before the sun rises!!

As you can see, I've added a 'vacation countdown"....only 59 days until we leave for our vacation on Chincoteague Island in Virginia. 

I am so looking forward to this...haven't been here (or on any 'go-away' vacation) in over 10 years!!

Cara, Lydia and Lindsay are coming with me.....Danielle, Andrew, Brooklyn and Jackson will be visiting for a few days during our trip.  I cannot wait....well, I have to wait 59 days, but the anticipation is growing for me and all my family members!!

We've rented an adorable cottage on the island....the beach just a quick drive away on Assateague Island , and a time of relaxation, family and fun.

And on an even more positive note....I've been totally abdominal pain free for the past two days!!  Thank You, God!! 

Last night, I even decided to test this new medication the gastroenterologist prescribed for me and eat a regular type dinner instead of my usual cottage cheese or some other food that is soft and unchewable.

I didn't go crazy with this...just some macaroni and cheese and a hamburger....first 'real' food I've had since the beginning of June....

And no pain, not even a twinge of discomfort!!  I even slept through the night without being awakened by the pain that has been plaguing me for two months!!

Yes, God does answer prayers!!  I've been praying, and I know many other people have been praying right along with me.....and these prayers have been met by God's promises, faithfulness and love!!  A big 'thank you' to all who have been praying!!

See you tomorrow!!

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Should I or Shouldn't I?

I said yesterday that I would have pictures today of the baby blanket that I'm working on.  So, here it is:

This is called 'Cables and Lace Baby Blanket', and is one of my very favorite patterns.  Each row in a section is different, so I don't easily become complacent and not pay attention resulting in my making a mistake. 

Yes, this is the very same pattern that I used for Lydia's first blanket--the blanket she carries with her from place to place.

I'm still contemplating whether or not to open a 'shop'...either on Etsy or Artfire....

I've been thinking about this for some time....going back and forth in my mind....which site, should I do this or not, the extra income would be wonderful, is it worth my time and effort.....

I do know this....knitting and the many other handcrafts I do are very relaxing to me.  I love the feel of the yarn in my hands....I love watching a ball of yarn turning into something beautiful.....I love that God has given me this talent....

So, what do you think?  Should I or shouldn't I open a shop?  Any feedback on either sites would be wonderful!!



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Feelings

It has been a long weekend.......

And here it is, Monday morning, and I'm now wondering how these two days flew by.  Funny how when I was living in the past two days they seemed to drag on and on, but now looking back they seemed to go so fast. 

To try to take my mind off the anxiety and nervousness feelings I've been having, I started a baby blanket for my cousin's daughter.  She is expecting a little girl in November. 

I thought I would make her something and send it to my cousin as a baby gift.  No pics yet...perhaps tomorrow. 

Keeping my hands busy seemed to keep my mind busy also.  So, the feelings were pushed down for the weekend (for the most part).

Now, Monday is here....I'm sitting here typing....my mind is going 1000 miles per second.....and I can feel it returning.

The anxiety....
The feelings of doom and gloom....
The constant shaking of my foot....
The fear of the unknown.....

I remember these feelings from long ago....

I thought I had dealt with all that was causing this, but obviously I have not.  I need to spend time in prayer with my Father...a deliberate time with Him...taking time not just to talk to Him, but to listen to what He has to say to me, show me....why this is happening, where I am to go from here. 

I know and have all faith that He can relieve this, but I need to be shown the way.  I need to seek Him more and more....let His peace come into my heart and mind....healing the wounds that are causing these feelings within me. 

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Seeking Calm

Today is Sunday...and I'm linking up with Peggy for Soaking On SONday...

I said yesterday that I was struggling with anxiety...fear of the unknown...how this is definitely not the way God wants us to live. 

So, I am wondering why I struggle so against releasing all of my fears and anxieties to the One who loves me the most...the One who is control....the One who knows and sees all....the One who can take my fear and anxiety and calm me with a touch of His Hand...a word from His Word....

Courtesy of Heartlight

 I need to soak in this verse.  I need to let God take control, completely surrender to Him. 

God often speaks to me through music.  This morning I actually did a Google search for "Christian music about releasing your fears to God", and this song was #1 on the search.

As I sat and listened...sang along...tears flowed to the point of sobbing...crying out to my God...seeking His peace, His forgiveness for seeking other things before Him....



And as I sat here, watching, listening, singing, crying....the calm and peace of my God filled my soul.....

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Restoration and Healing

I'm a day late....

I'm joining Peggy for 'Friday Feature'--claiming one of the many promises our Father God has given us as my own.

This week, this promise has been fulfilled in me:

365 Promises





For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds, declares the LORD. Jeremiah 30:17a (NASB)

These past two months have been a trying time for me....not feeling well...unable to eat many foods...abdominal pain which comes more than it goes....and the most trying of all is the 'not knowing' what is truly causing these symptoms.

Yesterday, I had a procedure which revealed the cause of my problems.  In the back of my mind, there was lurking the possibility that all of the symptoms put together could be a cancer growing within me. 

And I allowed this grow...bringing it to God, but not fully releasing this to Him....

I was to be at the hospital at 8:30 for a procedure at 10 a.m.  I was up early, couldn't sleep, and the anxiety that came with these thoughts, the procedure awaiting me, the outcome of the procedure...well, I'll just put it simply...I felt overwhelmed with anxiety.

I was alone in my home...no one to talk with to help focus my mind elsewhere...

Yes, I prayed....prayed and prayed...and still the restlessness and feelings stayed with me.

At 7:30 a.m., my friend arrived...much earlier than expected.  And, she was an answer to my prayer.  She came into my home...we talked, and I told her how anxious I was feeling about this whole day. 

Just the telling of this to someone, helped alleviate my fears.  God sent her to me.....I could talk with her and through her being here, I felt the presence of God as peace in my heart and mind. 

Many wounds from my past have been healed through the blood of Jesus.  There are many hurts that have just been swept away. 

But, as all of us are...I am still a work in progress...still walking along on my journey....and how easy it is to slip and fall in the lies of the enemy...allowing him to steal my peace and joy. 

That is exactly what I was doing by jumping to false conclusions....worrying about the outcome of something that had not yet even happened.....

This is not the way God wants us to live...

He wants to be omnipresent in our lives....

He wants us to seek Him for comfort and guidance....

He wants to heal our hurts and wounds....

But, we have to seek Him.....develop our intimate relationship with Him...remain in constant contact with Him through our prayers and our everyday lives...ever seeking to be closer and closer.

Yes, I did have the procedure.

No, it was not the cancer I thought may be lurking there.

What I have is irritable bowel syndrome....not something that is enjoyable by any means....but, this is the best case scenario for the symptoms I have.

This can be controlled through medication, diet, and reducing my stress level.....

And yesterday, I gave thanks to my Father for my friend arriving early...her staying with me and supporting me through this procedure....her love for me shining through...

I gave thanks for the many prayers that were offered to God for me...

I gave thanks for the good news of my diagnosis, and God's powerful and mighty Hand steering my course.

Most of all, I gave thanks for Jesus...the One who sacrificed all for me.....and you.

For it is by His wounds that we are healed.

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Lead Me

Tuesday has arrived.....

For some reason, Tuesday seems to be the busiest day at my work.  I don't know why...thinking that Monday would be busier....but, this doesn't ever seem to happen.

So, I'm preparing myself for the day....giving this day, as all days, over to God--for His guidance and direction...and for me to be able to hear and sense His presence throughout the day over all the noisiness of this world.

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Third Birthday

On Saturday afternoon, we celebrated Jackson's third birthday...

Brooklyn reading Jackson's birthday card to him...

Brooklyn and Jackson...before their lips turned totally blue from the cake icing....

Lindsay and Lydia checking out one of the birthday presents...

All in all....a wonderful birthday celebration for a wonderful little boy!!



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